For the plastic table

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For the plastic table.   


The Chinese Incident.

      Several years ago a troupe of Dancers and Tumblers came to Vanuatu.    We, my wife and I, managed to score a couple of Free Bee tickets.    It was a great show!    Four Chinese muscle men and twice that number of petite Chinese girls, wearing very little, -that’s the girls, the men were more soberly dressed-  took to the stage and spent the next two/to two and a half hours forming human pyramids and throwing the girls from one part of the stage to another.    It was spectacular!    Halfway through, my wife asked if I was enjoying the show, I answered that I was!   “The show or the girls?” she then asked, with a big smile.

“Look,” I told her, “you see what you want to see, I’ll do the same.”

With a laugh, she dug me in the ribs with her elbow and we turned our heads back to the stage.

The following morning, the ‘phone rang, it was Harold, how was I placed for the afternoon?    “Nothing I can’t do tomorrow,” I told him.   He then went on to say he had been chartered by ‘The Cultural Centre’ for an afternoon/evening sail.

“Kids sail, Pirate sale, or ordinary sail?”

“They did not say,” he told me, “just asked if we could take a party of fifteen.”

That afternoon I went aboard and Harold told me he had been unable to rustle up a crew, so it would be just he and I who would take Cassie out.    Was that OK with me?      I told him it was, it was a flat calm day, hardly a ripple on the sea, it should be a ‘doddle’!

Whilst we were talking I was telling him all about the ‘Gorgeous’ girls I had been watching the evening before.  “You sure you have the energy to go sailing?” He asked.     I assured him I did!    With that two mini busses turned up at the wharf and out stepped the Chinese Concert party!

“Reckon we can manage that lot on our own?” The Skipper asked with a wry grin.

I let my eyes rove over the troupe as they lined up and waited to come aboard; “A bit of a hard call, I answered, but someone has to do it I suppose!”

The day was a hot one, about thirty degrees I’d guess.    If I thought the girls had been scantily dressed last night, it was nothing compared to what they were almost wearing as they came aboard.

We slipped our moorings and engaging the help of the brawny guys, up went the sails, Harold calling the shots, me at my usual place, on the helm.

The girls, had at least two cameras a piece and they were all hell bent on taking pictures of everything and anything.   They draped themselves over the anchor, winches, neatly stowed lines  and the crew!!!   It was at this point, as we were being engulfed and some of the girls were climbing up the rigging and dancing on the roof of the cockpit, we became very much aware of just how much they were NOT wearing.

Loose tops and no bras left little, if anything to the imagination.   Same with loose shorts!   We estimated 50% of them wore no panties!!!

As I said earlier it was a very calm day, so set the helm to go into the Main Wharf, there was a coastal trader just coming out, so I got as close to her as I dared and the crew and passengers all screamed out and waved as did our passengers.  The skipper on the trader gave a long loud hoot on his horn to which I replied to on the conch shell.

Leaving the trader Harold tracked down a couple of the guys who spoke English and explained about ‘Tacking’,   This went well and once on a starboard tack, he explained what ‘Going About’ was.   This was their introduction to sailing and they all enjoyed the experience.

Later on I positioned Cassie straight out through the centre off the Inner Harbour and we went out all sails set.     As I said before, it was a very calm day and with a very slight breeze.    Harold hailed me from the bowsprit, where he was hanging onto the rigging, with a girl on each arm.   “What’s your heading, Helmsman?”

“Buggered if I know,” I hailed back, the helm held firmly between my thighs, my arms full of near naked women,   “I’m just going up the middle, if there is anything in front of us, you’re up there, I trust you will tell me!”

Well, suffice it to say, we never hit anything and we returned our passenger safely and happily back to their busses.

Harold and I took a bottle each to the plastic table and drank to the success of the Cino – Vanuatu accord.



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